Have you ever been in the office or around town and seen someone who lost a bunch of weight, and you really wanted to go up and say, “Congrats! You look great!” Well, don’t. Or at least think about things before complimenting someone’s weight loss.
Now, I’m not saying you can’t be happy for them and shouldn’t acknowledge their amazing weight loss transformation, but there’s a subtlety to the process and some things you need to know and consider.
Consider it in a similar fashion to going up to a woman and congratulating her on the pregnancy, only to find out they were hitting the midnight snacks a little too hard and isn’t pregnant at all (awkward). You don’t want to go up and be straightforward with your approach.
Below are some things to consider before complimenting someone’s recent weight loss.
1. Talking About Weight is Similar to Politics and Religion
When you bring up politics and religion in conversation, the eyes start rolling, and people tend to either tune you out or bring their opinion into play, which can cause some conflicts if viewpoints don’t align.
While your intentions may be in a good place when you approach the individual, know that it might be a topic of conversation that they don’t want to converse with you about, which you need to respect.
A person’s body and body image are taboo topics these days. Say the wrong thing and all of a sudden, you’re going to be called out for “body shaming” or “fat-shaming.”
If you couldn’t already tell by the way society is today, talking about weight and weight loss is not a comfortable conversation. You want to tread lightly when approaching someone so as not to cause them to feel backed into a corner, as if you’re attacking them for what they looked like in the past.
2. They May Not Be Trying to Lose Weight
One of the unfortunate things you need to understand is that weight loss can come in many forms, not just because someone “wants” to lose weight. If someone falls ill or even has a disease such as cancer, their body will tend to shed weight whether they want to or not.
Bringing up someone’s weight loss could bring about the uncomfortable conversation that they could be battling something in their personal life.
Their weight loss could even be due to something like stress and the fact that they lost their appetite due to all the stress they have been under. Maybe it’s more serious, like depression? You just don’t know.
Knowing that there may be underlying reasons for their weight loss could prevent you from inserting your foot into your mouth and feeling like a complete jackwagon.
To avoid the apologies and “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know,” don’t lead with the weight loss topic. Rather, ask them how they’ve been, what’s new, or how life has been treating them, and from there let the conversation naturally take place.
Maybe they’ll open up to you about things going on in their life, or maybe they won’t. Or maybe they’ll bring up that they’ve been living a healthier lifestyle and focusing on weight loss, which would be your segue into the conversation and congratulations.
Don’t simply assume someone is trying to lose weight, as the cause could actually be health-related.
3. Don’t Be So Direct with Your Approach
As mentioned above, being somewhat direct with your approach could backfire. Avoid it. Rather, make sure you understand what the person may be going through first.
Social media is a good place to start. Look on their social platforms, as they may have mentioned or posted about their weight loss journey or recent changes to their physique. If they mention this, it may be okay to bring it up in conversation.
One thing to keep in mind is that not everyone shares their life online for everyone to see. While some people are out there posting everything from their meals to home projects they are working on, some people are private and prefer to keep things that way. There’s nothing wrong with that, and it should be respected.
If social media doesn’t bring you any results to your search, ask a friend or coworker if the person has mentioned anything about their weight loss. They may have confided in a friend and mentioned what’s been going on in their life (good or bad).
In the next breath, if you find out from a friend that they’ve been trying to lose weight, maybe you want to go with that friend to congratulate them? Mention you were talking to [insert friend’s name here] and were saying how great they look.
4. Avoid Bringing Up How They Used to Look
Now, there’s a fine line between compliments and belittling someone. This can be a hard position to decipher how to navigate. The last thing you want to insinuate is that they looked bad before. That’s never a good thing. You want to be subtle in your approach to how you bring it up, without making them feel bad about the body they lived in previously.
For instance, saying, “You look amazing! A much better improvement from the fat slob you were before.” That could result in a trip to the dentist to get your teeth put back into your mouth. Maybe mention how they’re glowing and that they seem so happy?
Let them direct the conversation in the way they want to take it, and if they don’t seem to want to talk about it, drop it.
5. Try Not to Interject About Your Own Experiences
It can be difficult not to interject your own weight loss experiences into the conversation, but you want to refrain from doing so. Make the conversation about them and not you. Don’t say things like, “I wish I could lose weight” or “I’d do anything to look like you.” It can be hard, but be conscious of the things you say. Allow them to speak and you be there to listen.
Let this be their moment and their moment alone. This is not the time to trade war stories about how you failed or succeeded with your own weight loss journey. Simply be there for support and to make them feel good for their hard work and determination.
Your goal is to make them feel good and that their hard work with their weight loss has not gone unnoticed.
Author Bio:
Matt Weik, BS, CSCS, CPT, CSN, is a globally recognized health, fitness, and supplement industry expert with over 25 years of hands-on experience. He is the founder of Weik Fitness and one of the most prolific writers in the space, known for translating complex science into clear, actionable content. Matt holds a Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology from Penn State University and multiple industry certifications, giving his work both academic credibility and real-world authority. His writing has been featured on thousands of websites and in 100+ magazines worldwide, including FLEX, Muscular Development, Iron Man, and Muscle & Fitness UK, and he has authored 30+ published books. Trusted by leading supplement brands and media outlets alike, Matt is widely regarded as one of the most knowledgeable and reliable voices in health, fitness, and sports nutrition.
