The officer didn’t probe further. He skipped to the next question. ‘Why Atlanta?’
‘Because it is dedicated to trans athletes. And we don’t have one here.’
‘You mean there is no such event in India?’
‘None that I know of, sir.’
‘How did you get to know about the event?’
‘Through a friend.’
‘Do you have an invitation letter from the organizers?’
‘Yes, sir. I have enclosed a copy of the invite with my application.’ ‘Are you carrying a physical copy?’
‘Very much, sir.’
There was a pause as Aryan handed over the printout of the invite. The barrage of questions ended abruptly. The officer got up and went through a door marked ‘Only for Staff’. A couple of minutes later, Aryan saw him walking back towards his booth.
‘Are you a professional bodybuilder?’ he asked Aryan.
‘If you mean to ask whether it is my source of livelihood, then no.’
‘So this would be your first professional appearance for a title?’
‘Yes.’
The officer paused the interview again, rose from his seat and headed towards the same door.
He came back with queries about Aryan’s qualifications and proceeded to verify the credentials mentioned in his visa application.
‘Do you know any of the organizers in Atlanta? In person?’ the officer asked Aryan after validating the documents.
‘No, I don’t,’ Aryan replied.
By now, Aryan had got used to the officer getting up and going through the door with restricted access. Clearly, they were undecided on him. He had come prepared for the interview, but the embassy officials seemed unsure about how to handle his case.
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Aryan looked around at the other booths where applicants were answering personal and probing questions. Everyone around him was scrambling to go to the land of dreams. Outside the embassy, it was a different world.
After what seemed like ages, the officer returned and handed Aryan his passport.
This cannot be good, Aryan told himself.
They hadn’t kept his passport—there was no stamp, no welcome smile. The only words spinning in his head were: ‘Sorry, your visa is denied.’
‘You are too young to travel to the event,’ the officer told him.
Aryan looked at him long and hard before getting up. How was he ‘too young’ if he had a formal invite from the organizers? He had checked out the event’s eligibility criteria and he had fit right in.
‘Visa laga hi nahi (I did not get the visa),’ Aryan said he remembered thinking as he walked out of the door he had so excitedly entered an hour ago. He took the short flight of stairs leading out of the imposing building. He was not trying to hide the limp in his right leg any more.
Good, I trained as usual. At least the day was not a total waste.
Outside, it was still hot. It was business as usual once he exited Gate No. 6, where other hopefuls had lined up to be interrogated.
Walking out of the US embassy that day, Aryan had made up his mind. The only way forward was to challenge the existing notions of gender. If India’s arenas had no place for trans athletes, he would have to force the sports establishments to take note of him. He was willing to do whatever it took to prove his worth.
Compete against men? Why not?
Having quit his job as a lawyer, Aryan turned his focus entirely towards building a stronger body. ‘I began writing emails to bodybuilding federations, hoping to find a spot in contests being organized within the country. At the same time, I spent time at the gym. It took my mind off the rejections and the bumpy ride it had been so far,’ Aryan recalled.
After many failed attempts, he saw a ray of hope. He heard from the Indian edition of Musclemania, the premier global bodybuilding contest.
‘They invited me,’ said Aryan. All of twenty-six and raring to take on the world, he was staring at yet another challenge. ‘I was to compete in the men’s category,’ he said.
He recounted writing to the US-based organizers of the event, saying that he had transitioned and been prescribed a regular dose of testosterone. Being a natural bodybuilding contest, Musclemania did not allow the use of hormonal supplements, including testosterone. ‘They asked me to skip the dose before the event,’ he recalled.
It was a double whammy. ‘I was prescribed a 250 mg testosterone shot every twenty-one days,’ said Aryan. He was already at a disadvantage since he had been born with a lighter frame compared to most men in the line-up. Now, he would have to give up the hormonal dose.
Aryan accepted the challenge. It wasn’t about winning, after all. It was about finding a spot on a stage for the first time with his new identity. ‘I was there to tell the world that I could be tough competition as a trans man,’ he said.
For the next four months, in the run-up to the contest, Aryan averaged around six hours in the gym each day. He was to participate in the men’s physique category. ‘I practised hard; I had to give it my 100 per cent,’ he said.
After skipping his last testosterone dose ahead of the contest, his body felt drained. ‘With my hormones running low, I felt older and weaker. Before the competition, athletes are put on a low-carb and no-salt diet. That affected my overall state further,’ he recounted.
Yes, there were days when his body gave up, but Aryan refused to give in. A week before the event, he woke up with a heavy head.
Am I ill? Aryan remembered wondering, seated at the edge of his bed, mulling if he was under the weather. Getting up was an effort, but his legs supported him. He realized that he was not in a position to work out, but there was no choice really. ‘A bodybuilding event is mostly an anabolic game, with testosterone giving your muscles a push. But I followed what the organizers had asked me to do,’ he said.
He recalled walking up to the kitchen counter and looking for the coffee sachets he had purchased the day before. He emptied the entire pack of a dozen sachets into a pot and fixed a strong caffeine dose for himself. The next thing he remembered was driving to the gym. The caffeine gave him a rush that boosted his sensory functions momentarily, but lifting weights was taxing.
What followed was a complete blackout. ‘I collapsed in the gym that day,’ Aryan said, wincing at the memory.
On 1 December 2018, four days before his twenty-seventh birthday, Aryan became the first transgender bodybuilder in India to win a sporting event. At five feet, five inches, he stood second in the men’s physique (short) category of Musclemania India, feeling taller than all the other participants.
This excerpt from ‘Aryan Pasha’ by Apra Kuchhal has been published with permission from HarperCollins Publishers India.
